So tomorrow at 1:03pm will mark my daughter's 6th Birthday - she went to bed very excited tonight and I get just as excited for the kid's birthdays and other celebrations. I love to set up a surprise for them to wake up to, I love to give them their favourite dinner for tea that night and we always do a birthday cake on the night of the birthday when the party isn't the same day. I don't have to spend mega amounts of dollars - as I tend to buy a lot of smaller things for her. This year she will get hair accessories, some lip balm, clothes and a desk and chair - seeing as though she will be in year 1 this year and is starting to be more responsible for her things. Her chosen dinner - which has been the same for the last 3years is spaghetti and meatballs - so easy, we will have a birthday cake tomorrow night as her party isn't til Monday. I think we may visit the beach, but as far as plans for the day go, we have none as the forecast is rain.
Six years ago I was induced and had no idea what laid ahead. I have my birth story on this blog a little further down, but we had the shock of our lives when our little (or big at 9pd3oz) was born critically ill. She showed us and the doctors that she was a fighter right from the start and it shows today with her determination, her love for life and her desire to do great things. At nearly 6 she says she wants to be a "clown doctor" cos she wants to make people better by making them laugh. Her laughter is contagious - especially when she gets her evil laugh happening. She is a protective big sister and has been from the moment she became a big sister - she calls Charlie "buddy" when she is trying to explain something to him. She can stir like the best of them - father has trained her well. She has the biggest heart, just wants to make friends with others and is crushed quite easily and whilst I would love to toughen her up, I don't want her to change....compassion is a trait that not a lot of people have nowadays. She has lost people in our families that were close to her - too young, but she totally understands it all...my little "old soul". She would love for us to have another bub and pesters a bit sometimes and this is why I cannot tell her if we conceive until I 'know' it will stick, she had to go through the ectopic thinking we were having a bub and then finding out we weren't and while she didn't seem to be affected...I don't want to get her hopes up over something like that. She just seems to know when I am having a 'bad day' and is so mature beyond her years at times.
I am excited for her celebrating the big 6, but I wish time would slow down.
Happy 6th Birthday baby girl - I love you more than life itself. xx
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
The next step in my journey.
I need something else to focus on - get me away from thinking about wanting another bub at the moment, otherwise it will do my head in - literally.
Something I have wanted to do for over 6mths is the 12WBT program by Michelle Bridges. If you haven't heard of it, then check it out - www.12wbt.com. For various reasons or excuses I haven't done it.......I used the 'trying to have a bub' excuse, the 'not having money' (really haven't had the money) - but this will drive my determination to make it work for me and to make sure I stick to it and to begin with I thought "why? when I have lost over 13kgs by myself".............well why have I???
Here are the reasons and motivators.
So fasten your seat belt for the roller-coaster ride that will be the 12WBT experience.
Something I have wanted to do for over 6mths is the 12WBT program by Michelle Bridges. If you haven't heard of it, then check it out - www.12wbt.com. For various reasons or excuses I haven't done it.......I used the 'trying to have a bub' excuse, the 'not having money' (really haven't had the money) - but this will drive my determination to make it work for me and to make sure I stick to it and to begin with I thought "why? when I have lost over 13kgs by myself".............well why have I???
Here are the reasons and motivators.
- I have seen a few big inspirations who have succeeded with this program first hand
- I will be fully supported with the program supplying my shopping lists and workout routine.
- I am stagnate with the weight loss by myself
- I have two awesome kids that deserve an active mum
- I want to give those two kids a brother or sister so why not be healthy in the lead up
- Due to bouts of gestational diabetes I have had while pregnant, my chances of having late onset diabetes are a lot higher - why not reduce some of the chances with the weight issue.
- I want to be confident, I want to love what I see in the mirror.
- I want to be the best possible role model I can be for my kids
- I want to be fit!!
- My husband - my biggest fan and supporter of this - he doesn't care for a skinny wife, but he does want a healthy, more active wife and more than anything a confident wife.
So fasten your seat belt for the roller-coaster ride that will be the 12WBT experience.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Theres a fine line between..........
It's the start of a famous line/song - "there's a fine line between pleasure and pain"...it's also the start of many adapted phrases. The one I will present you with is "there's a fine line between keeping positive/having hopes up and being unrealistic"..........am I right??
I woke up last tuesday morning to what I had already feared - a miscarriage (see previous post if you want more on that bit) I had my cry and I dealt with it before going to the doctor that afternoon. I was at peace with what had happened and I was ready to focus on what was ahead. I did allow myself my time to cry and my time to deal with what I had to, but I have two children that need their mummy and they need her there in the present not thinking about "what ifs". So when I went to the doctor, I was 'dealing' with it (for want of a better phrase). I then had a doctor instill hope in me - he started telling me about how it isn't impossible that I may still be pregnant and to go and have an ultrasound. I started to think maybe there was hope and thought about the possibility that maybe we were dealing with low lying placenta. But no if I had of just listened to my instinct I knew in my heart this was not the case.
To any medical professional out there that deals with women that are possibly miscarrying - DO NOT instill hope - be realistic and prepare them for the worst.....if a miracle happens then this is brilliant, but if it doesn't then they don't crash and burn after you inflated their hopes. This is the second time I have had this happen.....last time I had to have surgery. This time I am certain it is not ectopic as the pain isn't there like it was last time.
From this I have realised that hindsight is a wonderful thing....or not. I know that under 6weeks is too early for an ultrasound - so why didn't I tell the doctor it would be a waste of time?? well that comes down to that little word "hope". I lost $95 and received a silly look from the guy at the ultrasound clinic. The "guy" asked why I was there as he didn't believe we would see anything, I knew this when I told him my doctor insisted on it, then his look said it all - a JOKE. I was so angry, we are on a tight budget lately and I couldn't afford to lose $95 out of my pocket and out of my budget. The other thing that frustrates me to tears is that after telling him my history, the doctor didn't get my hcg levels when he tested for my pregnancy. I have never been to a doctor that hasn't checked those levels - he simply got a positive/negative test done. HCG levels can be a huge indicator of something not being right, they can also be the only indicator of an ectopic - especially in my case. So I was angry....was I just looking for someone to be angry at over what happened?? ...yeah probably, but still GRRRRR!!
So I won't be going back to that particular doctor in future.
Lesson for today? Sometimes being positive or optimistic can blind you to what's realistic. Maybe I would have handled things better if the GP had just told me to have the tests done and not given us the idea that the pregnancy could be ok, maybe if I just used my common sense it wouldn't have hurt so much or at least it would have cushioned the fall. I didn't cry myself to sleep the first time I miscarried, I didn't cry when the door was opened to the spare room (currently storing baby stuff) and I didn't well up when someone mentioned it a few days later. It could just be where I am at and maybe wouldn't have made a difference, but I just can't help but think that have that bit of hope injected made the fall just that bit harder.
Thanks
I woke up last tuesday morning to what I had already feared - a miscarriage (see previous post if you want more on that bit) I had my cry and I dealt with it before going to the doctor that afternoon. I was at peace with what had happened and I was ready to focus on what was ahead. I did allow myself my time to cry and my time to deal with what I had to, but I have two children that need their mummy and they need her there in the present not thinking about "what ifs". So when I went to the doctor, I was 'dealing' with it (for want of a better phrase). I then had a doctor instill hope in me - he started telling me about how it isn't impossible that I may still be pregnant and to go and have an ultrasound. I started to think maybe there was hope and thought about the possibility that maybe we were dealing with low lying placenta. But no if I had of just listened to my instinct I knew in my heart this was not the case.
To any medical professional out there that deals with women that are possibly miscarrying - DO NOT instill hope - be realistic and prepare them for the worst.....if a miracle happens then this is brilliant, but if it doesn't then they don't crash and burn after you inflated their hopes. This is the second time I have had this happen.....last time I had to have surgery. This time I am certain it is not ectopic as the pain isn't there like it was last time.
From this I have realised that hindsight is a wonderful thing....or not. I know that under 6weeks is too early for an ultrasound - so why didn't I tell the doctor it would be a waste of time?? well that comes down to that little word "hope". I lost $95 and received a silly look from the guy at the ultrasound clinic. The "guy" asked why I was there as he didn't believe we would see anything, I knew this when I told him my doctor insisted on it, then his look said it all - a JOKE. I was so angry, we are on a tight budget lately and I couldn't afford to lose $95 out of my pocket and out of my budget. The other thing that frustrates me to tears is that after telling him my history, the doctor didn't get my hcg levels when he tested for my pregnancy. I have never been to a doctor that hasn't checked those levels - he simply got a positive/negative test done. HCG levels can be a huge indicator of something not being right, they can also be the only indicator of an ectopic - especially in my case. So I was angry....was I just looking for someone to be angry at over what happened?? ...yeah probably, but still GRRRRR!!
So I won't be going back to that particular doctor in future.
Lesson for today? Sometimes being positive or optimistic can blind you to what's realistic. Maybe I would have handled things better if the GP had just told me to have the tests done and not given us the idea that the pregnancy could be ok, maybe if I just used my common sense it wouldn't have hurt so much or at least it would have cushioned the fall. I didn't cry myself to sleep the first time I miscarried, I didn't cry when the door was opened to the spare room (currently storing baby stuff) and I didn't well up when someone mentioned it a few days later. It could just be where I am at and maybe wouldn't have made a difference, but I just can't help but think that have that bit of hope injected made the fall just that bit harder.
Thanks
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Another loss - still a loss.
I have had the unfortunate event of another miscarriage this week. It has hit me hard - I really wasn't prepared for it (I know that nobody is) and with the way I have been managing my depression, I tend to get warning signs to be able to prepare and cope with it. Most people get beyond events and "just deal with it" with my coping mechanism for depression, I rely on warning signs to get a grip and ride it through.....if I don't get those warning signs then it is a lot harder and a much bumpier road than it should be and when you throw hormones into it - well it is a bloody rollercoaster.
We have been trying to have a bub for 8mths (since I was given the all clear after the ectopic last year). So on Xmas day when I was late, had the symptoms of pregnancy for a week and was starting to suspect that maybe, just maybe we were finally expecting.....I waited for nearly a week when I went to the doctors to have a blood test done. It has been the most nerve wracking time - after last year and a miscarriage between our two kids, I was wanting to scream out with excitement, but was scared to be excited due to the "what if?".
So I had bloods done and was due to go to the doctor for results on
Tuesday arvo...........here is where it gets hard.
So I was getting ready to go to bed on Monday night when I realised I hadn't felt sick at all that night (for the last week I had felt sick every night almost to the point of being sick, but not quite) and then I realised that something probably wasn't right. I tossed and turned all night and could barely sleep. Then I was woken at 5am with cramping and bingo - my personal nightmare - I was bleeding and in my heart of hearts I knew I was losing this pregnancy. Anyone who has not had a miscarriage and some that have - may not think at 5 1/2 weeks it is much of a loss - but it breaks your heart (especially when you have been trying for a bub) and it sticks with you and you don't forget it. This one has hit me particularly hard due to how long we have been trying. Last time I miscarried we had only been 'trying' for 2 months and then I conceived our son 2mths after.....and it didn't affect me as hard as this has.
I feel a lot better now towards the end of the week - the only thing that hurts and saddens me is that I do notice more when I am out how some people treat their kids and it frustrates me when you see someone with 5kids(not always, but a lot lately) and they are clearly not being looked after and the parents are swearing at them and threatening to "flog" them in the middle of the shopping centre.
How is it that these women fall pregnant (with what appears to be)without any issues and can't appreciate their kids?
I have given myself my wallowing moment (for which I have every right to have) - I have been devastated and heartbroken to put it into words and many tears have flowed, but I am now on the up and up, I can't live life crying over things I cannot change - I am positive about what I have, we will try for another bub and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't then so be it - I wasn't meant to have anymore. Things like this make you realise what you have that is great in life - Family and friends. I have some amazing people in my life. I have people who care enough to say "are you ok?" - people underestimate the power of those three words. They mean a lot. I have people who care - text messages, phone calls, messages and posts on facebook.
A lady who I am pleased to have in my life held off her own special news to alleviate any pain it may have caused me ~ thank you for your thoughts and consideration.
The best thing is, I am more pleased for any of my friends and family who have fallen pregnant around me and had bubs - I love to share in their bubs growing. I could never wish what happened to me to happen on anyone it is not the greatest experience to go through. Their miracles give me hope.
It's the old story - "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I have the most amazing support behind me - a husband who is lost to know what to say or do, but is just there ~ which is what I need most. He must be feeling it too, but doesn't show it so much.....he just wants to 'make it all better'. Our marriage only gets stronger when we go through loss - we don't push the other away. Our kids would adore another bub in the house, so we won't tell them we are ever expecting a bub until I see the heartbeat....although they might understand they don't deserve to have their excited bubble busted.
Thank you xx
We have been trying to have a bub for 8mths (since I was given the all clear after the ectopic last year). So on Xmas day when I was late, had the symptoms of pregnancy for a week and was starting to suspect that maybe, just maybe we were finally expecting.....I waited for nearly a week when I went to the doctors to have a blood test done. It has been the most nerve wracking time - after last year and a miscarriage between our two kids, I was wanting to scream out with excitement, but was scared to be excited due to the "what if?".
So I had bloods done and was due to go to the doctor for results on
Tuesday arvo...........here is where it gets hard.
So I was getting ready to go to bed on Monday night when I realised I hadn't felt sick at all that night (for the last week I had felt sick every night almost to the point of being sick, but not quite) and then I realised that something probably wasn't right. I tossed and turned all night and could barely sleep. Then I was woken at 5am with cramping and bingo - my personal nightmare - I was bleeding and in my heart of hearts I knew I was losing this pregnancy. Anyone who has not had a miscarriage and some that have - may not think at 5 1/2 weeks it is much of a loss - but it breaks your heart (especially when you have been trying for a bub) and it sticks with you and you don't forget it. This one has hit me particularly hard due to how long we have been trying. Last time I miscarried we had only been 'trying' for 2 months and then I conceived our son 2mths after.....and it didn't affect me as hard as this has.
I feel a lot better now towards the end of the week - the only thing that hurts and saddens me is that I do notice more when I am out how some people treat their kids and it frustrates me when you see someone with 5kids(not always, but a lot lately) and they are clearly not being looked after and the parents are swearing at them and threatening to "flog" them in the middle of the shopping centre.
How is it that these women fall pregnant (with what appears to be)without any issues and can't appreciate their kids?
I have given myself my wallowing moment (for which I have every right to have) - I have been devastated and heartbroken to put it into words and many tears have flowed, but I am now on the up and up, I can't live life crying over things I cannot change - I am positive about what I have, we will try for another bub and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't then so be it - I wasn't meant to have anymore. Things like this make you realise what you have that is great in life - Family and friends. I have some amazing people in my life. I have people who care enough to say "are you ok?" - people underestimate the power of those three words. They mean a lot. I have people who care - text messages, phone calls, messages and posts on facebook.
A lady who I am pleased to have in my life held off her own special news to alleviate any pain it may have caused me ~ thank you for your thoughts and consideration.
The best thing is, I am more pleased for any of my friends and family who have fallen pregnant around me and had bubs - I love to share in their bubs growing. I could never wish what happened to me to happen on anyone it is not the greatest experience to go through. Their miracles give me hope.
It's the old story - "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I have the most amazing support behind me - a husband who is lost to know what to say or do, but is just there ~ which is what I need most. He must be feeling it too, but doesn't show it so much.....he just wants to 'make it all better'. Our marriage only gets stronger when we go through loss - we don't push the other away. Our kids would adore another bub in the house, so we won't tell them we are ever expecting a bub until I see the heartbeat....although they might understand they don't deserve to have their excited bubble busted.
Thank you xx
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2012 - What's ahead?
If you go by facebook - 2011 looks as though it was the worst year on record, I notice a lot of people's negative posts about the year that was - maybe because they had a break up from a boyfriend or two, or maybe they didn't get what they wanted. Granted there are a few friends of mine that have a right to say they had a bad year - they lost loved ones, they lost their house in a disaster, they have had sick kids all year or they have lost a child. Sadly it's not these people complaining. Your year in a lot of cases is what you make of it. You determine how good or bad it is by what you focus on - focus on the positive and your year was a great one and chances are 2012 will be even better. Your life can be as great or as bad as you want it to be in a lot of cases. I forgot about the negative things that happened in 2011 when looking back and thought we had a fantastic year - then someone points out the negatives of that year and it turned out to be an average year.........but I won't focus on the negatives of surgeries and heartache....I want to be a positive role model for my kids.
A good friend of mine went to hell and back earlier last year and her outcome for the year was positive and inspirational at that...I love that I have so many positive people in my life. I have cut a lot of negative out in the last 12-18mths and it has been a huge weight lifted.
Our 2011 was -
A good friend of mine went to hell and back earlier last year and her outcome for the year was positive and inspirational at that...I love that I have so many positive people in my life. I have cut a lot of negative out in the last 12-18mths and it has been a huge weight lifted.
Our 2011 was -
- Hayley's first year of school and did brilliantly
- Charlie's first full year of Kindy,
- Hayley learnt to swim
- Charlie had his tonsils and adenoids out and for that is now a much better sleeper
- a year of realisation that 2012 is going to be huge with the clearance of debt
- our first year of our sea change which saw me make some truly beautiful friends
- my first year on a P&C committee
- Matt getting a job in the role he has worked hard for.
- The start of our camping collection - ready for our adventures
- Discovery of hidden gems/places that not many people experience
- Witnessing friends get married
- Lots of new babies arrived around us.
- Matt and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.
- Hayley had her first sleepover
- My business flourished
- And perhaps a little bit of miracle news of our own
- We will celebrate Mum's 50th with her this month.
- Hayley will turn 6 in January and complete year one this year
- Charlie will turn 4 in April and finish Preschool ready to start prep
- Charlie will learn how to swim
- Hayley will learn how to ride her bike without training wheels
- We will camp at least once
- We will clear a debt that has been over our heads for 8years collectively.
- My business will grow further
- And we may buy our first home at last.
- We will have more babies around us = many friends having babies early in the year :)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Positive light
So I can't leave a largely negative post, without having a positive one.
My positive lights right now are our kid's and my marriage. I love my family more than life itself - our kids make me laugh every day and some days they also have me tearing my hair out - which can only be normal. They inspire me daily with their wit and their curiosity with the world. I love their innocence and never want them to ever lose it. I fall in love with my husband every day - no lie....I am crazy about this man. He has been through thick and thin with me and with his own life, he still makes my heart flutter and still makes me go weak in the knees with his smile...( I know puke worthy material right there), but he is my everything and we are stronger than ever. I am so thankful for what we have and although I have this niggling desire to add another baby to our family, I just don't think it is going to happen - on this subject the head and the heart are very much on two different paths.
2011 has been a rollercoaster for myself right from the start - but we have had such a great year. Hayley has finished her first year of school and I am going into the last year of having Charlie home - cannot believe he will be in school in 2013. My business is picking up and Matt is finally in a job he loves and in a position he has worked hard to achieve - which makes me soo proud. We are settled in here at Coral Cove and I simply couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I have some fantastic friends who have helped me a lot this year and I am grateful for their friendships and support.
It is now nearly 1am -- better log off I spose - finished on a positive note!
My positive lights right now are our kid's and my marriage. I love my family more than life itself - our kids make me laugh every day and some days they also have me tearing my hair out - which can only be normal. They inspire me daily with their wit and their curiosity with the world. I love their innocence and never want them to ever lose it. I fall in love with my husband every day - no lie....I am crazy about this man. He has been through thick and thin with me and with his own life, he still makes my heart flutter and still makes me go weak in the knees with his smile...( I know puke worthy material right there), but he is my everything and we are stronger than ever. I am so thankful for what we have and although I have this niggling desire to add another baby to our family, I just don't think it is going to happen - on this subject the head and the heart are very much on two different paths.
2011 has been a rollercoaster for myself right from the start - but we have had such a great year. Hayley has finished her first year of school and I am going into the last year of having Charlie home - cannot believe he will be in school in 2013. My business is picking up and Matt is finally in a job he loves and in a position he has worked hard to achieve - which makes me soo proud. We are settled in here at Coral Cove and I simply couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I have some fantastic friends who have helped me a lot this year and I am grateful for their friendships and support.
It is now nearly 1am -- better log off I spose - finished on a positive note!
Frustrations.
Usually I don't vent too much, but every so often I have something that really ticks me off and then I need to -and if you have read any of my previous posts about my earlier struggles with depression, than you would know that writing is my therapy.
This particular topic of frustration is a touchy one and liable to cause some people or a person to snap and delete me off their friend's list on Facebook, but if you can't take what I say and accept it as a vent on my part and I will be over it (I hope), then you aren't really a 'friend' and you probably don't deserve me as a friend. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - this one is mine, if you don't wanna know about it - STOP reading now!
I have a varied group of friends that I have met over the years, from a few from school days to my more recent friends that I have met here in Bundy and would love to see more of.....with varied friends comes varied situations - varied households, varied ages and varied stages in life with family and varied financial situations - all of these situations we get ourselves into whether we like it or not, we can try and blame the world, but ultimately we have made the decisions that put us in these situations.
My husband and I have taken a very long and painful road to get ourselves nearly into a financial position to buy our first home - we have learnt a lot of lessons along the way and we are still learning and more than anything hoping we can get a home before the market jumps ahead of us.
Lessons we have learnt have included budgeting in it's every facet. We have struggled (like most people) with debts, but it is so satisfying to know we have worked our butts off to be in a position of clearing and paying it off ourselves this year. Most people don't know just how hard it has been at times - but we have always come out the other side fine - we have all been fed and we have always had a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs - we haven't always had a nice car, the best clothes, the latest gadgets or had the money to treat ourselves to dinner out, but we have done well with what have had.
So WHAT has frustrated me to ramble on about the above - simple - people who complain to others that they have NO money and are struggling to put food on the table and pay their bills and yet - suddenly have the money for things that I would call extravagant spending. If you suddenly have extra money after struggling to feed yourselves- don't waste it on unnecessary, materialistic items - put the money away. If you have a couple of thousand in savings and have gone at least 3months of not having to stress about how you are going to pay rent for the week - then go ahead and treat yourself to your new furniture. The other thing that annoys me (while I am ranting) is when someone goes out and buys extravagant things when clearly they can't afford it and then decides within a few months that - oh dear we really can't afford these, lets sell them. ARGHHH!! Such a waste - you lose so much money doing this as you never recoup your costs and then you are so desperate for money you take whatever you can get for them.
I don't profess to be a money expert - in fact I can profess to being hopeless with money a lot more than I am great with it , but I am getting a lot better very quickly- I am so sick of wasted money and watching others do the above - these examples make me realise I am a lot better with money than others. I like to live comfortably and within our means. We don't have credit cards anymore, we don't go out for dinner unless it is a super special occasion, I do try and give my kid's a birthday party - even if it's simple every birthday - because I think they deserve it, it is usually an afternoon tea with cake with their friends or just family, but sometimes we will take it elsewhere and pay for a bigger birthday - I haven't hired a jumping castle, for one we have never had the space for one and secondly we just can't justify the expense....sure the kid's love it, but they love going to a play centre too and for the same price or less they will supply the food, set it up and clean it up for you. I would like to think we are getting a lot smarter with our finances - we spend half the amount on groceries to what we used to, I budget monthly and weekly and I try to be strict with it - especially with hubby's job change. Me being strict with our budget means I can stay at home and not have to work, it means we sacrifice a few things, but I believe me being home for the kid's is more important than me being at work full time and spoiling them with materialistic items. Our light at the end of the tunnel is coming up before tax time this year and we will be celebrating when we reach the end of this tunnel - it has been a (nearly) 9year journey, but we are nearly there - if you try and take short cuts it ends up a longer road. I do have some tips for those out there that may genuinely be struggling and want to know how we get through our "tight weeks" as I like to call them. See below - there are a lot of fantastic blogs out there that are dedicated to money saving tips - so go and find them will be my first tip.
This particular topic of frustration is a touchy one and liable to cause some people or a person to snap and delete me off their friend's list on Facebook, but if you can't take what I say and accept it as a vent on my part and I will be over it (I hope), then you aren't really a 'friend' and you probably don't deserve me as a friend. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - this one is mine, if you don't wanna know about it - STOP reading now!
I have a varied group of friends that I have met over the years, from a few from school days to my more recent friends that I have met here in Bundy and would love to see more of.....with varied friends comes varied situations - varied households, varied ages and varied stages in life with family and varied financial situations - all of these situations we get ourselves into whether we like it or not, we can try and blame the world, but ultimately we have made the decisions that put us in these situations.
My husband and I have taken a very long and painful road to get ourselves nearly into a financial position to buy our first home - we have learnt a lot of lessons along the way and we are still learning and more than anything hoping we can get a home before the market jumps ahead of us.
Lessons we have learnt have included budgeting in it's every facet. We have struggled (like most people) with debts, but it is so satisfying to know we have worked our butts off to be in a position of clearing and paying it off ourselves this year. Most people don't know just how hard it has been at times - but we have always come out the other side fine - we have all been fed and we have always had a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs - we haven't always had a nice car, the best clothes, the latest gadgets or had the money to treat ourselves to dinner out, but we have done well with what have had.
So WHAT has frustrated me to ramble on about the above - simple - people who complain to others that they have NO money and are struggling to put food on the table and pay their bills and yet - suddenly have the money for things that I would call extravagant spending. If you suddenly have extra money after struggling to feed yourselves- don't waste it on unnecessary, materialistic items - put the money away. If you have a couple of thousand in savings and have gone at least 3months of not having to stress about how you are going to pay rent for the week - then go ahead and treat yourself to your new furniture. The other thing that annoys me (while I am ranting) is when someone goes out and buys extravagant things when clearly they can't afford it and then decides within a few months that - oh dear we really can't afford these, lets sell them. ARGHHH!! Such a waste - you lose so much money doing this as you never recoup your costs and then you are so desperate for money you take whatever you can get for them.
I don't profess to be a money expert - in fact I can profess to being hopeless with money a lot more than I am great with it , but I am getting a lot better very quickly- I am so sick of wasted money and watching others do the above - these examples make me realise I am a lot better with money than others. I like to live comfortably and within our means. We don't have credit cards anymore, we don't go out for dinner unless it is a super special occasion, I do try and give my kid's a birthday party - even if it's simple every birthday - because I think they deserve it, it is usually an afternoon tea with cake with their friends or just family, but sometimes we will take it elsewhere and pay for a bigger birthday - I haven't hired a jumping castle, for one we have never had the space for one and secondly we just can't justify the expense....sure the kid's love it, but they love going to a play centre too and for the same price or less they will supply the food, set it up and clean it up for you. I would like to think we are getting a lot smarter with our finances - we spend half the amount on groceries to what we used to, I budget monthly and weekly and I try to be strict with it - especially with hubby's job change. Me being strict with our budget means I can stay at home and not have to work, it means we sacrifice a few things, but I believe me being home for the kid's is more important than me being at work full time and spoiling them with materialistic items. Our light at the end of the tunnel is coming up before tax time this year and we will be celebrating when we reach the end of this tunnel - it has been a (nearly) 9year journey, but we are nearly there - if you try and take short cuts it ends up a longer road. I do have some tips for those out there that may genuinely be struggling and want to know how we get through our "tight weeks" as I like to call them. See below - there are a lot of fantastic blogs out there that are dedicated to money saving tips - so go and find them will be my first tip.
- Seriously shop at ALDI - this has saved me a minimum of $50 a week. Most of their food is comparable to known name brands - you don't need brand names in the cupboard, put them in a container and nobody knows any different and it is a lot cheaper. Their prices are online so it makes life easier with budgeting.
- Spend the time to write lists and shop to the list. If you get to the supermarket and think you have forgotten to write something on the list - too bad, go without it - either you didn't need it and still have some at home, or you do adjust and can go without it for a week - if you truely need it you can go to the shop and pick it up during the week.
- Shop to catalogues - I know ALDI doesn't stock everything, but shop to catalogues for the rest of your weekly needs - whoever has the items on sale gets your business.
- Shop from the markets - if you have farmers at your market - then buy direct, you will get fresher produce that will last longer and you usually get it a lot cheaper. I am fortunate to live near farms that sell some things direct and I save a lot of money.
- Buy in season - fruit and veg is a lot fresher and cheaper if you buy in season.
- Buy your meat in bulk and freeze and buy from a butcher - this will save you bucket loads AND the meat is usually far better quality. My butcher's prices are pretty unbeatable and his prices are regular so I know before I get there how much I am going to spend and what I am going to be able to get. Mince and Chicken is a staple in this household.
- Shop from your pantry - go through your pantry and make a menu for the week based on your panty and then you just need to make up your shopping list from the menu....takes a bit of time to get used to, but once it's habit it will not only save you money, but will save you having to wonder what's for dinner.
- You don't have to eat meat every night - have some vegetarian nights - noodles, spaghetti on toast, omelets etc. they are cheap and at the end of a busy day - EASY.
- You could try doing a cooking day - Sunday spend half a day pre- cooking meals and freezing so you can just reheat and eat - not everybody's cup of tea and certainly not mine, but if you are busy it can be better than having take aways.
- Make your own fast food - we have homemade hamburgers and pizzas a lot. Since our move we live 20mins from town - very inconvenient for junk food, but great considering I have lost a lot of weight- homemade is def. the way to go - much healthier, you know what's in it and really doesn't take much to make.
- You can have treats, but make them small - you don't need to go on a huge splurge.
- Avoid shopping centres for 'something to do' you will only spend money that you don't have. I don't go near the shops unless I really need something - this way I avoid compulsive buys.
- If you want to go out for a meal - go out for lunch - it is a lot cheaper in fact I have found it is half the price of going out for dinner here in my local town. Have a big lunch and then just have a toasted sandwich or similar for dinner.
- Pay off and cut up your credit cards - you don't need them any more. Save some money and have a visa debit card on your account - you can still take advantage of internet shopping/transaction, but it's your own money learn to live on your own income and not credit.
- Use lay-by if you 'need' a higher price ticketed item - layby it and incorporate it into your budget - if you can't afford to layby then you need to consider whether you NEED the item.
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