I can't say that we will have a huge gap between number 2 and number 3 (if it happens for us), but with us facing over a 4 1/2 year + gap it is not an average gap - it is about 18mths more than ideal, but very few people really get a choice in an age gap - and really what is the perfect gap? If you ask my mum she would say 17 -18mths- which is great if you can plan it, but it is almost too close for me. Hayley and Charlie are 27mths apart, well nearly anyway and I love the gap between them, Hayley was well and truly walking, out of the pram most of the time, could have been toilet trained and was 6mths later.....I think it is a great gap now, but when Charlie was a newborn and Hayley was going through "the terrible 2's" it was really hard....Hayley was a delayed talker as well so it made the terrible 2's that much harder. My only main concern about a bigger age gap is that the baby would be a little like an only child with developments as they grow older.......however I am very in touch with friends with babies, so play dates would be frequent. I can't choose the age gap, I have decided that if we are not pregnant by the end of the month though - that will be it - no babies, but if it happens for it, I am hardly going to complain. I have been through heartbreak to get here and our older two will love and protect it regardless.....oh and maybe baby it.
Back to the question and answer - I have obviously had a journey through depression, I found two kids relatively close quite hard to adjust to and give them the attention they needed when I was working and trying to establish a business -money wasn't great either - we then decided on a sea change and at about the same time decided to think about have another baby. I don't go through easy pregnancies - I end up a insulin dependent gestation diabetic-- which in turn means lots of medical appointments to monitor me and bub, it means expense -insulin is not cheap, it means a bigger baby and usually induction at 38weeks. With my first two kids it also meant 18wks of morning sickness.....and YES that would be enough to turn you off having any more for a while. I can handle the gestational diabetes - it does scare me when I am read the statistics of how many women develop type 2 diabetes later in life because of it - but I am trying to fight that with my current weight loss journey.....my kids are also at risk of type 2 which is lifestyle affected. Having a sister with type 1 diabetes means I see how it affects someone to live with the disease 24/7 for life.....I only have to deal with it for 9mths.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
"...but remember at the end of the day you have two beautiful, healthy kids"
Another phrase I hear far too much in my quest to have baby number three - so what? because I want another child and it is taking a bit of a journey to get there (not my choice) I don't appreciate our kids?? OK here is a snippet for you - yep we are wanting another baby! If you for one minute think that I appreciate my daughter and son any less because of that - YOU ARE WRONG! If anything I appreciate them more and I enjoy them more and I cherish the moments I have with them more.
Apparently because we have a daughter and a son - we shouldn't want another child?? this makes no sense to me at all - since when did the sex of a child factor into it. When I was a little girl - I had a vision of having three kids. After the birth of our son - I had for a while decided -no more, I was struggling with (unknown to me at the time) depression, I was overwhelmed and didn't think I wanted any more children - and the truth is, I couldn't have any more children at the time because I needed to sort my own health out. When I got my "head" sorted and got myself back to me and in control, then I realised our family was incomplete. It has taken 18mths so far with no baby, it means our son turns 4 next month and we will have a larger age gap than first desired. We have a cut off time to conceive and will decide at that time that "it wasn't meant to happen" and we will move onto our next goal - a huge holiday. I am a huge believer in fate - if something is meant to happen it will - I went through an ectopic and miscarriage because I needed to, the universe was testing me and my strength - it was the HUGEST lesson the hardest times, but I came through it. I KNOW I have two perfectly healthy kids, that I love and cherish every day....I don't need you to tell me that like I have forgotten....do you realise how that makes me feel?? Step a day in someone elses shoes to realise. Step into my shoes from the last few years to see the walls that have been put in front of me and I have climbed. Do not for one minute think I don't realise what is in front of me I tear up as it is knowing how quickly they are growing- my baby starts school next year and I can't tell you how much I will miss his personality around the house all day, my little girl will be in year2 next year and she is an incredibly intelligent little girl. Don't ever doubt how much I appreciate my kids.
Apparently because we have a daughter and a son - we shouldn't want another child?? this makes no sense to me at all - since when did the sex of a child factor into it. When I was a little girl - I had a vision of having three kids. After the birth of our son - I had for a while decided -no more, I was struggling with (unknown to me at the time) depression, I was overwhelmed and didn't think I wanted any more children - and the truth is, I couldn't have any more children at the time because I needed to sort my own health out. When I got my "head" sorted and got myself back to me and in control, then I realised our family was incomplete. It has taken 18mths so far with no baby, it means our son turns 4 next month and we will have a larger age gap than first desired. We have a cut off time to conceive and will decide at that time that "it wasn't meant to happen" and we will move onto our next goal - a huge holiday. I am a huge believer in fate - if something is meant to happen it will - I went through an ectopic and miscarriage because I needed to, the universe was testing me and my strength - it was the HUGEST lesson the hardest times, but I came through it. I KNOW I have two perfectly healthy kids, that I love and cherish every day....I don't need you to tell me that like I have forgotten....do you realise how that makes me feel?? Step a day in someone elses shoes to realise. Step into my shoes from the last few years to see the walls that have been put in front of me and I have climbed. Do not for one minute think I don't realise what is in front of me I tear up as it is knowing how quickly they are growing- my baby starts school next year and I can't tell you how much I will miss his personality around the house all day, my little girl will be in year2 next year and she is an incredibly intelligent little girl. Don't ever doubt how much I appreciate my kids.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Week 2 weigh in....
So I weighed in and had only lost 700grams - little disheartening when I put a lot of work into this week, but I think I may be retaining a little fluid at the moment, so I will feel better when that releases. Then I also remembered about the scales not really being a factor - look at your measurements, so I measured myself to find amazing results - I have lost 21.5cms off my measurements in 2weeks -which is very uplifting......then I did a photo of my face to see the difference and posted my heaviest pic next to the current facial shot on facebook for family and friends to see -OMG I can tell the difference, I really can! and more so - others can and that nearly made me cry. At my heaviest, I was in the deepest depression - as you can read in earlier posts...I have really done a full circle mentally, now it's the physical that is transforming..you cannot wipe the grin off my face. I am doing cartwheels when I am not at goal weight and only two weeks in! Why??? because I am seeing results, I am now 19kgs down from my heaviest, I am feeling good and I am organised.........AND I am mentally well.
I know that I am feeling great because some of the negativity has cleared - a person who I thought was a friend has removed me/shut me out/ blocked me from her life and for some reason I am not affected, but amused more than anything-------why???? because I didn't have the issue - she had the issue, jealousy is a curse and it can eat you alive. If you feel like you have to exaggerate or lie to yourself, your friends and family just to feel good, then something isn't right! I can talk and be myself with any of my friends, so I guess this person hasn't been a friend for a while.....the "one-up" syndrome is nasty. I am blessed to have beautiful, positive people in my life that are there anytime I need them and know that if they need me I am right here.
I know that I am feeling great because some of the negativity has cleared - a person who I thought was a friend has removed me/shut me out/ blocked me from her life and for some reason I am not affected, but amused more than anything-------why???? because I didn't have the issue - she had the issue, jealousy is a curse and it can eat you alive. If you feel like you have to exaggerate or lie to yourself, your friends and family just to feel good, then something isn't right! I can talk and be myself with any of my friends, so I guess this person hasn't been a friend for a while.....the "one-up" syndrome is nasty. I am blessed to have beautiful, positive people in my life that are there anytime I need them and know that if they need me I am right here.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Well blow me down - 3 posts in 2 days- HELLO!
Well learning to cut things out of your lifestyle is fairly easy when you want it to be. If you are not ready for a change - NEWSFLASH it's going to be like pulling teeth and simply won't happen. You will fight through it for a week - then give up because it is all too hard.
My biggest struggle with 12WBT to date has been exercise, I haven't been well, so have used that as an excuse- but I know I need to incorporate it into everyday life and I am adjusting --even if it is at a bit of a snails pace. I feel great when I go out and get my huge walk part jog done in the mornings....for a girl that was not a morning person it has taken some adjusting.
SO what are the things I have had to cut out of my diet?? for the better of course - and let me say I am really not missing them as I have my alternatives.
Cheers.
-
My biggest struggle with 12WBT to date has been exercise, I haven't been well, so have used that as an excuse- but I know I need to incorporate it into everyday life and I am adjusting --even if it is at a bit of a snails pace. I feel great when I go out and get my huge walk part jog done in the mornings....for a girl that was not a morning person it has taken some adjusting.
SO what are the things I have had to cut out of my diet?? for the better of course - and let me say I am really not missing them as I have my alternatives.
- Cheese
- McDonalds frappes - these were hard to kick, but when you find they are worth 514cals - it isn't too hard.
- Processed meats and processed foods in general
- take away food - wasn't a big one for us as I took a lot of it out 12mths ago
- flavoured drinks - mainly cordial - found an alternative, but drink a lot more water now.
- Cut back on the bread intake
- meal sauces - prebottled, packaged etc.....GONE
- ice cream
- milk shakes
- desserts - hard when I am feeling for something sweet
- hot chips - was a little hard, but now the thought of them makes be sick a bit.
- crackers/dip/kabana etc - loved party snacks - I will have alternatives for future get togethers
Cheers.
-
Friday, February 17, 2012
Being aware of surroundings....
Since starting my weight loss journey last year, I have become increasingly aware of how people around me behave in regards to eating habits and shopping for food - not so much family and friends, but people I see out and about.
Today I noticed a woman at a supermarket who was talking to someone else. The woman looked not much older than me, if not the same age, however probably weighed about 30kgs more than me. She was discussing her health and all of the medications she is on for all of her ailments. Cream for her feet as they were "falling apart", blood pressure medications and cholesterol meds to name a few.....a young woman!!!! It's noticing things like this that make me so motivated to rid of my weight for good and never have a weight problem again. I am sure if she lost the 60kgs+ that she is overweight she would be rid of all of her health problems. It saddens me and frustrates me all at once.
I also become aware of what is in peoples trolleys an their sizes. Another scenario I saw was a mother with her two children both aged between 8 and 12 probably. Their trolley was loaded - I mean balancing things on top - living in a rural area then it is something you see sometimes with people doing a monthly shop, but this woman didn't have much milk or bread which would ordinarily indicate a monthly shop....she had a loaded trolley of school snacks, softdrink, sugary cordials, flavoured milks and boxes of processed meals and 'heat and eat' style meals........the children had weight problems- and I am talking lots of weight around their stomachs..........I grew up with weight, but I wasn't this big. This frustrates me to no end- you as an adult have the choice of what you eat and you might want to poison yourself, but don't do it to your children - your kids watch what you do! Why do you think I am changing things.
We haven't had soft drink in the house for years now, but our children were never drinking it, we have never had much processed foods in the house the biggest issue I have had with my own weight battles is a mixture of mental health, large portion sizes, poor snack choices, no exercise and not knowing anything about calories. We couldn't afford takeaway food more than once a month- my kids take a yoghurt, piece of fruit or two and a sandwich to school. They don't need or want more than that as they don't have time to eat them AND I don't want them hypo at school - their bodies cannot handle sugary snacks. They get a treat from tuck-shop - but it is all in moderation, they come home from school and have a piece of fruit and then their dinner which is the same as we eat. They are not fussy eaters, but when our daughter was a toddler you could put a plate of hot chips in front of her with a side of salad and she would eat the salad without much interest in chips - she loved her tomatoes and strawberries more than anything.
I really wish people could see what they are doing to children - McDonalds (in my book) shouldn't be touched on a weekly basis- maybe once a month, but preferably never. It is disgusting. Since detoxing off sugary foods and "easy" options, I really cannot even handle the smell of it - makes my stomach turn. Now that kilojoule counts have to be shown on all fast food restaurant menus - it is easy to see how unhealthy it is - the only thing that I was really hooked to at McDonalds was their chocolate swirl frappes.........well to my horror since learning about calories and converting KJs to calories, I have found that just a small size of that frappe = 514calories!!!!!!! WOW that is huge, how huge??? well I am allowed up to 350cals for a whole main meal - so 514 is nearly 1.5 times that - it is a lot and it makes me sick to know how many of those I used to drink.
Anyone can come and have a look at my pantry and fridge - it is all nutritious and clean food and I am so incredibly proud of it.
Today I noticed a woman at a supermarket who was talking to someone else. The woman looked not much older than me, if not the same age, however probably weighed about 30kgs more than me. She was discussing her health and all of the medications she is on for all of her ailments. Cream for her feet as they were "falling apart", blood pressure medications and cholesterol meds to name a few.....a young woman!!!! It's noticing things like this that make me so motivated to rid of my weight for good and never have a weight problem again. I am sure if she lost the 60kgs+ that she is overweight she would be rid of all of her health problems. It saddens me and frustrates me all at once.
I also become aware of what is in peoples trolleys an their sizes. Another scenario I saw was a mother with her two children both aged between 8 and 12 probably. Their trolley was loaded - I mean balancing things on top - living in a rural area then it is something you see sometimes with people doing a monthly shop, but this woman didn't have much milk or bread which would ordinarily indicate a monthly shop....she had a loaded trolley of school snacks, softdrink, sugary cordials, flavoured milks and boxes of processed meals and 'heat and eat' style meals........the children had weight problems- and I am talking lots of weight around their stomachs..........I grew up with weight, but I wasn't this big. This frustrates me to no end- you as an adult have the choice of what you eat and you might want to poison yourself, but don't do it to your children - your kids watch what you do! Why do you think I am changing things.
We haven't had soft drink in the house for years now, but our children were never drinking it, we have never had much processed foods in the house the biggest issue I have had with my own weight battles is a mixture of mental health, large portion sizes, poor snack choices, no exercise and not knowing anything about calories. We couldn't afford takeaway food more than once a month- my kids take a yoghurt, piece of fruit or two and a sandwich to school. They don't need or want more than that as they don't have time to eat them AND I don't want them hypo at school - their bodies cannot handle sugary snacks. They get a treat from tuck-shop - but it is all in moderation, they come home from school and have a piece of fruit and then their dinner which is the same as we eat. They are not fussy eaters, but when our daughter was a toddler you could put a plate of hot chips in front of her with a side of salad and she would eat the salad without much interest in chips - she loved her tomatoes and strawberries more than anything.
I really wish people could see what they are doing to children - McDonalds (in my book) shouldn't be touched on a weekly basis- maybe once a month, but preferably never. It is disgusting. Since detoxing off sugary foods and "easy" options, I really cannot even handle the smell of it - makes my stomach turn. Now that kilojoule counts have to be shown on all fast food restaurant menus - it is easy to see how unhealthy it is - the only thing that I was really hooked to at McDonalds was their chocolate swirl frappes.........well to my horror since learning about calories and converting KJs to calories, I have found that just a small size of that frappe = 514calories!!!!!!! WOW that is huge, how huge??? well I am allowed up to 350cals for a whole main meal - so 514 is nearly 1.5 times that - it is a lot and it makes me sick to know how many of those I used to drink.
Anyone can come and have a look at my pantry and fridge - it is all nutritious and clean food and I am so incredibly proud of it.
The frustrations of a WAHM/ SAHM
Yep I work from home, I do love working from home, but it has its negatives. OK I know there are a lot of mums that work out of the home and would love nothing more than to work for themselves or have a job that would enable them to work from home....I am not saying it is the worst thing in the world -in fact it is far from it, but it does get recognised less when it comes to contributing to the household income.
When I worked outside of the home- it was full on, chaotic and disorganised at the best of times, I struggled to find balance and I struggled with my depression. I left home at 7.30am and didn't get home until 6.30pm at the earliest and the kids were dragged around with it. I couldn't afford to stay at home as we lived in the city where it is incredibly expensive and with the debt we had, I just couldn't.
Now that I work from home, I have the opportunity to keep everything organised, spend quality time with our kids and create a better balance. The difference is - I don't leave work and get a break from it -I do work on and off over the whole day rather than just 9-5, it means I work until as late as 11pm so that I can give time to the kids during the day. My days still start early - I get up and workout before the kids are up.....BUT I swear my husband comes home expecting the house to be immaculate and dinner on - when I have had a packed day of work and kid's commitments and I too only just get home at 5:30pm. Sure if I didn't have to work the house would be perfect probably....but it isn't because I too am earning some income and yes I am at home, but sometimes that's why it's messy - I have kid/s home with me and they like to play and this is a home, it is lived in and I don't want to be the cleaning natzi.
Sometimes some recognition would be nice. I don't only work at home, I taxi kids, work with the school P&C committee to help raise funds for our kid's education, I also am travelling my journey to lose weight. Yes I get defensive when you ask "what have you been doing all day?" whilst glancing around the lounge room which isn't perfectly tidy....why wouldn't I get defensive - the only thing you have noticed is what I "haven't" done - if you had noticed what I did do, then I would appreciate it, but it is rare that you realise that.
So my day today consists of battling what appears to be a nasty bout of sinus, spending an hour sorting out my shopping list to keep it within budget, doing the groceries, unpacking the groceries at home (apart from one bag), crashing out because I couldn't hold my head up any longer...and invitations work/orders. Oh and yes I did something I wanted to do today - I finally got to meet my friends new bub, who is adorable. I have put up with tired, cranky, tantrum chucking kids all afternoon yelling "I HATE YOU" because I have asked them to do something.......yep a pretty typical day for a lot of mothers out there. I finally get to sit down and clear my head and I have someone running around cleaning the house (because obviously I have failed at that today) and telling me that the kids need a their toys culled, because our son's floor is covered in toys- "that means he has too many" - I think that means that he plays with all his toys and yes, it is messy, but for a nearly 4year old he is generally very tidy and a lot tidier than the 6yr old girl. I sometimes feel that because he grew up with one toy - he expects that our kids grow up the same, yet he says that he doesn't want his kids raised like that. Unfortunately because I need to work from home it means that there are times that Charlie has to occupy himself and he loves playing with his toys and that means I won't be doing a cull as I have just taken two boxes out of his room that he didn't play with anymore. SAHM mums don't get sick days, neither do WAHMs most of the time, as a WAHM, I don't get out of the house as much as I wish I could and when I do it is usually due to appointments, necessary grocery shops and school commitments, I am probably seen as a snob in the mother's groups because I don't get to go to meet ups as much as I would like, I am seen as 'being home all day and therefore house should be spotless' and when it isn't I must of been sitting on the lunch all day. When in all honesty - I only get to "sit" on the lounge for one hour a day at the most to watch programs I like, then I have to work. During the day the TV is on so I can hear the other shows I don't mind, but I don't get to sit and watch them.
So next time you walk through the door after being at your job all day, take a look for what's been done, have a look at my pays that get deposited and my commitments that our kids will remember for a lifetime. The kid's won't care about an immaculate house when they are older, they will care that their parents spent time with them and had fun with them - those are the memories that are left behind.
Don't get me wrong I love my husband to death and appreciate all that he does, I (like most women) get frustrated too.
When I worked outside of the home- it was full on, chaotic and disorganised at the best of times, I struggled to find balance and I struggled with my depression. I left home at 7.30am and didn't get home until 6.30pm at the earliest and the kids were dragged around with it. I couldn't afford to stay at home as we lived in the city where it is incredibly expensive and with the debt we had, I just couldn't.
Now that I work from home, I have the opportunity to keep everything organised, spend quality time with our kids and create a better balance. The difference is - I don't leave work and get a break from it -I do work on and off over the whole day rather than just 9-5, it means I work until as late as 11pm so that I can give time to the kids during the day. My days still start early - I get up and workout before the kids are up.....BUT I swear my husband comes home expecting the house to be immaculate and dinner on - when I have had a packed day of work and kid's commitments and I too only just get home at 5:30pm. Sure if I didn't have to work the house would be perfect probably....but it isn't because I too am earning some income and yes I am at home, but sometimes that's why it's messy - I have kid/s home with me and they like to play and this is a home, it is lived in and I don't want to be the cleaning natzi.
Sometimes some recognition would be nice. I don't only work at home, I taxi kids, work with the school P&C committee to help raise funds for our kid's education, I also am travelling my journey to lose weight. Yes I get defensive when you ask "what have you been doing all day?" whilst glancing around the lounge room which isn't perfectly tidy....why wouldn't I get defensive - the only thing you have noticed is what I "haven't" done - if you had noticed what I did do, then I would appreciate it, but it is rare that you realise that.
So my day today consists of battling what appears to be a nasty bout of sinus, spending an hour sorting out my shopping list to keep it within budget, doing the groceries, unpacking the groceries at home (apart from one bag), crashing out because I couldn't hold my head up any longer...and invitations work/orders. Oh and yes I did something I wanted to do today - I finally got to meet my friends new bub, who is adorable. I have put up with tired, cranky, tantrum chucking kids all afternoon yelling "I HATE YOU" because I have asked them to do something.......yep a pretty typical day for a lot of mothers out there. I finally get to sit down and clear my head and I have someone running around cleaning the house (because obviously I have failed at that today) and telling me that the kids need a their toys culled, because our son's floor is covered in toys- "that means he has too many" - I think that means that he plays with all his toys and yes, it is messy, but for a nearly 4year old he is generally very tidy and a lot tidier than the 6yr old girl. I sometimes feel that because he grew up with one toy - he expects that our kids grow up the same, yet he says that he doesn't want his kids raised like that. Unfortunately because I need to work from home it means that there are times that Charlie has to occupy himself and he loves playing with his toys and that means I won't be doing a cull as I have just taken two boxes out of his room that he didn't play with anymore. SAHM mums don't get sick days, neither do WAHMs most of the time, as a WAHM, I don't get out of the house as much as I wish I could and when I do it is usually due to appointments, necessary grocery shops and school commitments, I am probably seen as a snob in the mother's groups because I don't get to go to meet ups as much as I would like, I am seen as 'being home all day and therefore house should be spotless' and when it isn't I must of been sitting on the lunch all day. When in all honesty - I only get to "sit" on the lounge for one hour a day at the most to watch programs I like, then I have to work. During the day the TV is on so I can hear the other shows I don't mind, but I don't get to sit and watch them.
So next time you walk through the door after being at your job all day, take a look for what's been done, have a look at my pays that get deposited and my commitments that our kids will remember for a lifetime. The kid's won't care about an immaculate house when they are older, they will care that their parents spent time with them and had fun with them - those are the memories that are left behind.
Don't get me wrong I love my husband to death and appreciate all that he does, I (like most women) get frustrated too.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Let the 12 weeks begin.
I am so incredibly excited - I can see my results down the tunnel and have 12weeks to achieve them - and now I am armed with the tools to get there....the execution is getting there. I deliberately started right from the beginning of pre-season so that I created some habits. Habits like - getting out of bed early in the morning to do my walk....I will admit this is my biggest challenge, once I walk out the door I am fine as I am on my way, but the energy to get out of bed is hard. I am finding that if I don't get up and get moving early and decide to sleep in - it is totally screwing my whole day up. When coming home from a walk/jog feeling full of energy and get my housework all organised within a couple of hours and feel organised - if I don't go and I get up at 7 it takes a couple of hours to feel awake/alive and I just don't have the motivation to do anything. So I need to get up.....body clock is getting used to it now - at 6am this morning, I was wide awake - totally unheard of on a Saturday morning for me.
My greatest disappointment so far was waking at 6am this morning. I was all psyched up for a 17km walk this morning and instead of my alarm going off at 4:15am this morning, nothing went off and I woke at 6am and burst into tears because I had missed it. I should have been starting the walk with a group at 5am. So instead I am mowing the lawn and going for a walk this arvo - see how I go with calorie burning.
My greatest joy so far has been getting on the scales to know I have lost nearly 4kgs in preseason and I was 600grams off hitting 90kgs - 90kgs has been the most stubborn number on the scales for me, I always seem to get close, but can never get under it and stay under it. This morning I am 200grams off so I know I will see the 80's this week and that is soooooo incredibly awesome. I am loving this journey so far and I am stoked with my results- come the end of the next 12weeks and you won't be able to wipe the smile off my face.
How awesome does it feel to know you are changing your life for the better it feels like I am being given a second chance at an awesome life!!
xx
My greatest disappointment so far was waking at 6am this morning. I was all psyched up for a 17km walk this morning and instead of my alarm going off at 4:15am this morning, nothing went off and I woke at 6am and burst into tears because I had missed it. I should have been starting the walk with a group at 5am. So instead I am mowing the lawn and going for a walk this arvo - see how I go with calorie burning.
My greatest joy so far has been getting on the scales to know I have lost nearly 4kgs in preseason and I was 600grams off hitting 90kgs - 90kgs has been the most stubborn number on the scales for me, I always seem to get close, but can never get under it and stay under it. This morning I am 200grams off so I know I will see the 80's this week and that is soooooo incredibly awesome. I am loving this journey so far and I am stoked with my results- come the end of the next 12weeks and you won't be able to wipe the smile off my face.
How awesome does it feel to know you are changing your life for the better it feels like I am being given a second chance at an awesome life!!
xx
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