What took us so long to decide on wanting to have another baby?

I can't say that we will have a huge gap between number 2 and number 3 (if it happens for us), but with us facing over a 4 1/2 year + gap it is not an average gap - it is about 18mths more than ideal, but very few people really get a choice in an age gap - and really what is the perfect gap? If you ask my mum she would say 17 -18mths-  which is great if you can plan it, but it is almost too close for me. Hayley and Charlie are 27mths apart, well nearly anyway and I love the gap between them, Hayley was well and truly walking, out of the pram most of the time, could have been toilet trained and was 6mths later.....I think it is a great gap now, but when Charlie was a newborn and Hayley was going through "the terrible 2's" it was really hard....Hayley was a delayed talker as well so it made the terrible 2's that much harder. My only main concern about a bigger age gap is that the baby would be a little like an only child with developments as they grow older.......however I am very in touch with friends with babies, so play dates would be frequent. I can't choose the age gap, I have decided that if we are not pregnant by the end of the month though - that will be it - no babies, but if it happens for it, I am hardly going to complain. I have been through heartbreak to get here and our older two will love and protect it regardless.....oh and maybe baby it.
Back to the question and answer - I have obviously had a journey through depression, I found two kids relatively close quite hard to adjust to and give them the attention they needed when I was working and trying to establish a business -money wasn't great either - we then decided on a sea change and at about the same time decided to think about have another baby. I don't go through easy pregnancies - I end up a insulin dependent gestation diabetic-- which in turn means lots of medical appointments to monitor me and bub, it means expense -insulin is not cheap, it means a bigger baby and usually induction at 38weeks. With my first two kids it also meant 18wks of morning sickness.....and YES that would be enough to turn you off having any more for a while. I can handle the gestational diabetes - it does scare me when I am read the statistics of how many women develop type 2 diabetes later in life because of it - but I am trying to fight that with my current weight loss journey.....my kids are also at risk of type 2 which is lifestyle affected. Having a sister with type 1 diabetes means I see how it affects someone to live with the disease 24/7 for life.....I only have to deal with it for 9mths.

"...but remember at the end of the day you have two beautiful, healthy kids"

Another phrase I hear far too much in my quest to have baby number three - so what? because I want another child and it is taking a bit of a journey to get there (not my choice) I don't appreciate our kids?? OK here is a snippet for you - yep we are wanting another baby! If you for one minute think that I appreciate my daughter and son any less because of that - YOU ARE WRONG! If anything I appreciate them more and I enjoy them more and I cherish the moments I have with them more.
Apparently because we have a daughter and a son - we shouldn't want another child?? this makes no sense to me at all - since when did the sex of a child factor into it. When I was a little girl - I had a vision of having three kids. After the birth of our son - I had for a while decided -no more, I was struggling with (unknown to me at the time) depression, I was overwhelmed and didn't think I wanted any more children  - and the truth is, I couldn't have any more children at the time because I needed to sort my own health out. When I got my "head" sorted and got myself back to me and in control, then I realised our family was incomplete. It has taken 18mths so far with no baby, it means our son turns 4 next month and we will have a larger age gap than first desired. We have a cut off time to conceive and will decide at that time that "it wasn't meant to happen" and we will move onto our next goal - a huge holiday. I am a huge believer in fate - if something is meant to happen it will - I went through an ectopic and miscarriage because I needed to, the universe was testing me and my strength - it was the HUGEST lesson the hardest times, but I came through it. I KNOW I have two perfectly healthy kids, that I love and cherish every day....I don't need  you to tell me that like I have forgotten....do you realise how that makes me feel?? Step a day in someone elses shoes to realise. Step into my shoes from the last few years to see the walls that have been put in front of me and I have climbed. Do not for one minute think I don't realise what is in front of me I tear up as it is knowing how quickly they are growing-  my baby starts school next year and I can't tell you how much I will miss his personality around the house all day, my little girl will be in year2 next year and she is an incredibly intelligent little girl. Don't ever doubt how much I appreciate my kids.