I saw a story tonight on TV about a young girl who put a video on You Tube before she committed suicide....you might already know about the video as it hit news headlines just after it. It is incredibly moving and I break down every time I see it. I felt for her, she was screaming for help, had just been diagnosed with depression, but was suicidal. I struggled with being bullied at school enough - but I didn't grow up with the social media that today's teens do. There is no escape from it apart from locking themselves away from socialising with their friends online. Her parents had no idea she was suicidal as most parents don't and most peers don't. I was never suicidal, but when it comes to depression - you don't tend to broadcast to people that you are struggling - especially to loved ones, you don't want to burden them.
What disturbed me about this story (which was mainly based in USA) was the lack of care from the schools when it comes to dealing with bullying and in this case it seems nothing has changed. In one case - the victim was forced to apologise to a bully!!!! WTF??
When I was at school, you were told to go to the principal if you were having problems, unfortunately they either didn't do anything, or they did and it got worse. Usually nothing was done until I retaliated and then I would be punished for it. I had some of the nastiest rumors spread about me by people I had thought I could trust. Slanderous rumors that still came back to haunt me a few years ago when I met someone who's sister went to school with me.....she had this idea of what I was like at school, but it was based on the rumors. I think my mother knew bits of what was going on, but I never told her completely - because she had enough to deal with at home without knowing how much I was dealing with. So I shut up and put up with what was going on until I finally left school.
It has made me intolerant of petty high school drama, I cut people out of my life pretty quickly if they start going on with it. As far as I am concerned - I left it in high school, don't need it in my life. It terrifies me that my kids may have to go through it at school. I am doing my best to make them confident individuals, but they also have big hearts and are helpful kids and I don't want them to lose those qualities. I was an easy target at school, I was overweight and I wore glasses. It didn't matter that I was good at sports - the fact that I was very good academically meant it was another target.
The story tonight brought a lot of this back and if you are reading this and were one of the bullies when you went to school - what has it done for you in your life??? Can you do something to change the cycle?? Don't let your kids be a bully. I personally would be horrified if I found out my child was a bully. Sadly it has been found that bullies are generally children of people that were bullies themselves.....maybe it's because these people never felt the hurt that their vicitms did. I loved school for a lot of my schooling, I just hated the lunch breaks, where I would have to listen to the nastiness. Gee any wonder I had self esteem issues.
I don't think Bullying will never exist, but I would like to know that the education systems could give a damn and actually step in where they know there are problems. The cases of suicide by young people is disturbing and scary. I never contemplated suicide, but with social media these days there is no escape for these kids. I hope my kids never have to cope with what I had to at school, I hated it.
I do get some satisfaction out of it - whilst a few of those that bullied me at school are struggling to sort their lives out, I have a wonderful husband and nearly three fantastic kids and some very good friends that are worth their weight in gold.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Baby #3 update. Totally ecstatic.
Eeeek - bad blogger, bad blogger, bad blogger........can I use the 'too busy' excuse?
So I announced in the last blog post that we are expecting baby number three, I am so proud of myself we have had two ultrasounds and I have been strong enough not to find out the sex.
I am dealing with the usual diabetes stuff, but considering there are times where I think I am losing control of the sugar fluctuations - the blood tests and baby's size is proving I am doing remarkably well. For those not in the know - diabetes - gestation or not can affect baby's size, sugar fluctuations can cause (and usually does cause) the baby to bloat and usually sees large birth sizes eg. over 9pd. For this reason, all diabetics on insulin are induced or C-sectioned no later than 38wks, the period between 38 and 40wks often sees growth spurts and with an already large baby - you don't need that extra growth as it can cause more complications than not. I can't say that Hayley was so sick at birth due to me not being induced and more critically being left to go overdue whilst on insulin, but it is something that plagues my mind frequently. Charlie was born at 38wks and although smaller than Hayley he was still 3.65kgs at birth. The classic puffy face and abdomen are also classic traits with diabetes babies.
At my last clinic appointment I measured in at 30wks (the day before 26wks), a whole month ahead which had both me and the doctor a bit concerned. I was concerned as I thought I had controlled the sugars as much as possible so disappointment started to set in - you know? the feeling like a failure phase. Doctor requested an ultrasound to check on bub and also to check the fluid.
So right now I am 27wks +4days and I had my most recent ultrasound on Friday morning to find that baby is measuring spot on date....well 3 days out which is as close as you can get at this point in a normal pregnancy - but for a pregnancy with gestational diabetes especially in my case this is amazing - this had me crying happy tears - confirmation I was doing well, a feeling like I might not have a massive buddah baby after all and when you have natural deliveries - as close to natural size the better would be fantastic. With the older two kids at this point I measured minimum 2weeks ahead, so this is fantastic news - but what it does mean is that bub has an olympic pool to swim in. LOL. Plenty of fluid and as the guy doing the ultrasound had said "off the scale" too much fluid, but he checked on bubs organs to ensure that the fluid was just me producing too much and not something wrong with baby. Happy news all round here.
Baby is literally sucking a lot out of me - I right now have low iron, next to no immunity and therefore no energy. No immunity is not helping with the clearing of a bout of pneumonia I ended up with a month ago - spent 5 days in hospital, also had low potassium, so was pumped with potassium, Ventolin and antibiotics and I am still on antibiotics, if my doctor stopped them at the moment, I would end up back in hospital as the infection will just build. Hospital was a big shock to not just my head, but for the hubby and kids. No warning meant that it shook Charlie a bit more, he still has a bit of separation anxiety. When I was admitted, I seriously thought it was for a night - not 4nights. Again the hospital were fantastic and the nurses have given me strict instructions that they didn't want to see me again until bub was coming and I certainly hope that's the case. So after this stint I did have a few nerves about the ultrasound, but bub hasn't been affected at all - very resilient.
under 11wks and we will be welcoming this long awaited bundle into our lives, it's big sister and brother cannot wait, we cannot wait and neither can my close friends who have been close during this journey. I have a couple of amazing friends organising a baby shower - I cannot wait for that. I am so fortunate in my life to have amazing support from family and some amazingly supportive friends. They say you know who your true friends are when your life hits a bump = me landing in hospital showed me how great my friends are, I have friends who didn't care that my kids weren't 100% they would look after them to help support us. Love them all to bits and could never repay them for just being there, but they should know I am here for them too.
So I announced in the last blog post that we are expecting baby number three, I am so proud of myself we have had two ultrasounds and I have been strong enough not to find out the sex.
I am dealing with the usual diabetes stuff, but considering there are times where I think I am losing control of the sugar fluctuations - the blood tests and baby's size is proving I am doing remarkably well. For those not in the know - diabetes - gestation or not can affect baby's size, sugar fluctuations can cause (and usually does cause) the baby to bloat and usually sees large birth sizes eg. over 9pd. For this reason, all diabetics on insulin are induced or C-sectioned no later than 38wks, the period between 38 and 40wks often sees growth spurts and with an already large baby - you don't need that extra growth as it can cause more complications than not. I can't say that Hayley was so sick at birth due to me not being induced and more critically being left to go overdue whilst on insulin, but it is something that plagues my mind frequently. Charlie was born at 38wks and although smaller than Hayley he was still 3.65kgs at birth. The classic puffy face and abdomen are also classic traits with diabetes babies.
At my last clinic appointment I measured in at 30wks (the day before 26wks), a whole month ahead which had both me and the doctor a bit concerned. I was concerned as I thought I had controlled the sugars as much as possible so disappointment started to set in - you know? the feeling like a failure phase. Doctor requested an ultrasound to check on bub and also to check the fluid.
So right now I am 27wks +4days and I had my most recent ultrasound on Friday morning to find that baby is measuring spot on date....well 3 days out which is as close as you can get at this point in a normal pregnancy - but for a pregnancy with gestational diabetes especially in my case this is amazing - this had me crying happy tears - confirmation I was doing well, a feeling like I might not have a massive buddah baby after all and when you have natural deliveries - as close to natural size the better would be fantastic. With the older two kids at this point I measured minimum 2weeks ahead, so this is fantastic news - but what it does mean is that bub has an olympic pool to swim in. LOL. Plenty of fluid and as the guy doing the ultrasound had said "off the scale" too much fluid, but he checked on bubs organs to ensure that the fluid was just me producing too much and not something wrong with baby. Happy news all round here.
Baby is literally sucking a lot out of me - I right now have low iron, next to no immunity and therefore no energy. No immunity is not helping with the clearing of a bout of pneumonia I ended up with a month ago - spent 5 days in hospital, also had low potassium, so was pumped with potassium, Ventolin and antibiotics and I am still on antibiotics, if my doctor stopped them at the moment, I would end up back in hospital as the infection will just build. Hospital was a big shock to not just my head, but for the hubby and kids. No warning meant that it shook Charlie a bit more, he still has a bit of separation anxiety. When I was admitted, I seriously thought it was for a night - not 4nights. Again the hospital were fantastic and the nurses have given me strict instructions that they didn't want to see me again until bub was coming and I certainly hope that's the case. So after this stint I did have a few nerves about the ultrasound, but bub hasn't been affected at all - very resilient.
under 11wks and we will be welcoming this long awaited bundle into our lives, it's big sister and brother cannot wait, we cannot wait and neither can my close friends who have been close during this journey. I have a couple of amazing friends organising a baby shower - I cannot wait for that. I am so fortunate in my life to have amazing support from family and some amazingly supportive friends. They say you know who your true friends are when your life hits a bump = me landing in hospital showed me how great my friends are, I have friends who didn't care that my kids weren't 100% they would look after them to help support us. Love them all to bits and could never repay them for just being there, but they should know I am here for them too.
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